“Perspective is a key to Recovery. I had to change and enlarge my perspectives of myself and my own emotions, of other people, of God and of this life business. Our perspective of life dictates our relationship with life. We have a dysfunctional relationship with life because we were taught to have a dysfunctional perspective of this life business, dysfunctional definitions of who we are and why we are here.
It is kind of like the old joke about three blind men describing an elephant by touch. Each one of them is telling his own Truth, they just have a lousy perspective. Codependence is all about having a lousy relationship with life, with being human, because we have a lousy perspective on life as a human.
The only way that I was able to make significant progress in the process of stopping self-judgment and getting rid of the toxic shame was to become conscious of the larger perspective. When I started to believe that maybe a Higher Power, a Universal Force, existed which was Truly All-Powerful and Unconditionally Loving then life started to become a lot easier and more enjoyable. Then I could start to see that the “accidents” and “coincidences” are really miracles. That the “mistakes” are really opportunities for growth.” – quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
The approach to inner child healing work I am sharing in this Book, is one that I was lead to discover in my quest to find a way to live life that worked for me. A way of living life that made it possible for me to transform my experience of life from one in which I was miserable and wanted to die on almost a daily basis, to one that allows me the freedom to be happy and Joyous in the moment for most of the moments of most every day.
The tools, techniques, and perspectives for inner child healing that I share here, on my web site, and in my first book, provide a framework which makes it possible to stop allowing our childhood experiences to dictate how we live our lives today.
This healing paradigm is one that can be utilized by anyone – regardless of their religious or spiritual beliefs, or lack of same. All that is required is enough open mindedness to be willing to look at some alternative perspectives and consider some different ways of relating to life and self. Discernment – being able to pick the baby out of the bath water – is a key. All religions, spiritual belief systems, theoretical concepts for explaining the meaning and purpose of life, contain some Truth. All of them also contain distortions, misinterpretations, and mistaken beliefs.
I state in my first book, that I believe that many aboriginal cultures were far more functional in terms of the Spiritual, mental, and emotional health of the individual members of their societies, than any of the so called civilized societies on this planet have been. The thought that occurred to me as I was writing this chapter, is that maybe there is also a correlation in regard to a society having a written language. In tribal societies with an oral tradition, stories were told – parables – that passed on the values of the society. Histories that are written down in words are subject to the interpretations and translations of individuals who had their own agendas. Words became set in stone – and often the spirit of the message was lost, distorted, and manipulated. Interesting thought but not what this chapter is about.
As I mentioned in an earlier chapter, changing our relationship with life, with being human, is intimately interrelated with this inner work. Finding a relationship with life, with being human, that works to enhance our potential to be happy and to feel worthy of Love, is what I refer to as spirituality. Having a spiritual belief system that supports the possibility that inherently we are Lovable and worthy, is an invaluable aid in facilitating the healing work in relationship to our other relationships – both internally and externally.
My conscious recovery from codependence started when I became willing to look at the cause and effect relationship between my childhood and my adult life. More specifically, it involved a paradigm shift which allowed me to stop empowering the shame based religious beliefs I was raised with, and start empowering myself to own that I had choices.
As I have stated earlier, our perspectives and expectations dictate our relationships and our emotional experience of life. Perspectives and expectations are set up by the intellectual paradigm we are empowering – the attitudes, beliefs, and definitions that we are allowing to define life for us. Becoming aware that my relationship with life was being dictated by beliefs from my childhood that were not what I believed as an adult, was the shock that forced me into codependence recovery.
By starting to become aware that I had choices about what beliefs I was empowering, I was able to change my relationship with life and vastly improve the quality of my life experience.
I have chosen to develop a relationship with a concept of Spirituality that works very well for me. It works to make my life easier and more enjoyable today. It works to help me: relax and let go of some of my fears; let go of shame and self judgment; to be in the moment today and have the freedom to be happy and find Joy in being alive – no matter what the outside conditions in my life may be today.
My relationship with my concept of Spirituality today, is one that both brings me inner peace and empowers me to take responsibility for being a conscious co-creator of my life. My philosophy in regard to Spirituality is summed up pretty well in this quote from the Spiritual Pages index page of my Joy2MeU site.
A Higher Power of My Own Understanding
The Spiritual belief system detailed in my writing can be incorporated into any open-minded individual’s personal beliefs. It is a belief system that allows for the possibility that maybe there is an Unconditionally Loving Higher Power – a God-Force, Goddess Energy, Great Spirit, whatever it is called – which is powerful enough to insure that everything is unfolding perfectly from a Cosmic Perspective. That everything happens for a reason – there are no accidents, no coincidences, no mistakes.
It would be possible for someone to use the tools and techniques contained herein – for inner child healing and setting internal boundaries – to change some of their codependent/reactive behavior patterns and work on healing their childhood emotional wounds without a Spiritual belief system underlying the work. It would be possible, but in my view would be kind of silly. Spirituality is all about relationships. One’s relationship to self, to others, to the environment, to life in general. A Spiritual belief system is simply a container for holding all of our other relationships. Why not have one that is large enough to hold it all.
In my personal recovery, I found that I needed a Spiritual container large enough to allow for the possibility that I was not a flawed, shameful being. I searched until I found some logical, rational means to explain life in a way that would allow me to start letting go of the shame I was carrying and start learning how to be Loving to myself.
For me it became a simple choice: either there is a higher purpose to this life experience or there is not. If there is not, then I don’t want to play. So, I chose to believe that there is a Spiritual purpose and meaning to life. And choosing to believe in a Loving Higher Power has transformed my life from an ordeal to be endured to an adventure that is exciting and Joyous much of the time.
The bottom line for me is that it works for me, it is functional, for me to believe that there is Spiritual purpose and meaning to life. It works to make my life experience happier today.
Spirituality is a word I use to describe my relationship to life. I was raised with beliefs that were based on fear, shame, and separation. In my recovery, I have chosen to empower a belief system that is based on Love – and my connection to everyone and everything. It works very well for me, in terms of improving the quality of my life experience today.” – Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Book 1 Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing Chapter 30
Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Book 1 Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing
Available right now (until May 28th, 2014) special offers for this book and telephone counseling.
The key to codependency recovery is the inner child healing process that I describe in this book. A key element of that work includes learning to set internal boundaries. The formula that I pioneered for inner healing – which includes learning to set the internal boundaries – is something that I teach people through telephone counseling It is now possible to get phone cards for very cheap rates from many places in the world – and also to use Skype for free from anywhere in the world. I talk about how the phone counseling can work to really change a persons life for the better in a short period of time on this page which includes some special combination offers (which includes an offer for sessions along with my first two books.)