This is a chapter from my book Romantic Relationships ~ The Greatest Arena for Spiritual & Emotional Growth
Early in the morning On January 1st, 1999 I wrote out the following to be read at the Commitment Ceremony of two friends that day. I am editing it for inclusion in this book – and I am thinking that I didn’t really write this for them as much as I wrote it to be guideline for myself over 5 years later when I got into the relationship that I am still in now, in the summer of 2012 as I prepare to publish this book. I was writing theoretically and intuitively for the most part at 3 am on the morning, because my longest relationship up until that point in my life had been for 2 years – and I was not that conscious when I was in it. If I hadn’t written this on that morning all those years ago, I don’t think this relationship I am in now – which became a marriage in January 2011 – would have survived. (And it eventually didn’t survive as we have been separated for almost 5 years now in April 2018 – but are still friends and coparenting. Writing this did help me to stay in that relationship for the longest period of time in my life.)
” . . . What I believe is that you two have been together many times before in other life times. You made a sacred pact to come together in this lifetime to help each other heal the wounds you need to heal – to serve as teachers and guides and support for each other as you go through this school of Spiritual evolution that we are all in.
It doesn’t matter what you call that – twin souls, soul mates, whatever – what matters is that you honor the power of the connection that you feel. And that is why you are here today. To stand here in front of the people you care the most about, to stand here in front of God/The Goddess /The Great Spirit/The Universal Source – and make public Acknowledgment and Affirmation of the sacred commitment that already exists between you.
This is kind of your Soul’s way of tricking yourself into agreeing to what your Souls already agreed to. In other words, you were powerless in this lifetime to do anything but end up at this moment.
And someplace along the way, I agreed to show up today to remind you, that this is not the ending where the music swells and the romantic couple rides off into the sunset to Live Happily Ever After. This is just the beginning.
Because Yes you are “gifts from heaven” to each other – but like all gifts in this multi-leveled paradoxical experience of life – there is good news and bad news. The good news is that you have found your soul mate and you are going to touch ecstasy together – you are on the path to learning about the True meaning of Love. That is great news because LOVE is all there Truly is and the only thing that is important.
The bad news is that you have a lot of stuff to work through. You have lifetimes of history. You have Loved each other intensely and wounded each other grievously. You each have specific wounds from your paths in this lifetime that are reflections of the ways in which you have been wounded in other lifetimes.
You each have emotional “buttons” that trigger old defensive reactions, fears and insecurities – and you are sitting next to the person who was specifically prepared and trained to be a specialist in pushing your buttons. The gift you will give each other by pushing those buttons will help each of you uncover the wounds that need to be healed.
You have come together to teach each other, to help each other heal, to support and encourage each other in your quest to find your True Self.
If you keep healing, working through your stuff – then you do not have to do the dysfunctional cultural dance of toxic romance here. This does not have to be “the ‘I can’t live without you, can’t smile without you’ addictive, make the other person your Higher Power, be the victim, lose yourself, power struggle, right and wrong, trapped, taken hostage, poor abused me, Two Step.”
What you are doing today is making a conscious commitment in the Light, to support each other on your healing, Spiritual paths. That’s paths plural. Your paths are going to run together – hopefully for the rest of your lives – but they are not going to become one path. You are individual, unique, Special, Magnificent, Powerful Beings who are choosing to become allies, to become partners in the journey to each of you being and becoming all you are meant to be.
You are together because you resonate on the same wave lengths, you fit together vibrationally, in such a way that together you form a powerful energy field that helps both of you access the Higher Vibrational Energy of Love, Joy, Light, and Truth – in a way that would be very difficult for either one of you to do by yourself. You are coming together to touch the face of God. You are uniting your energies to help you access the Love of the Holy Mother Source Energy.
You are not the source of each other’s Love. You are helping each other to access the LOVE that is the Source.
The Love that you see when you see your soul in the others eyes is a reflection of the LOVE that you are. Of the Unconditional Love that the Great Spirit feels for you.
It is very important to remember that the other person is helping you to access God’s LOVE within you – not giving you something that you have never had before.
It is important to remember that so you can remind yourself that the fear, lack and scarcity messages that will come up – the possessiveness, the jealousy, the clinging, the fear of abandonment and betrayal, the feeling smothered – are coming from the wounded parts of you that got trained and traumatized by this dysfunctional society to view life from fear, lack and scarcity. Those messages are lies – that is the illusion. The True Reality of The Universal Source is Joy, Love, and Abundance.
The Abundance of Love and Joy that you can help each other to feel by coming together – are vibrational levels that you then each will be able to access within yourself. You are helping each other to remember how to access that Love – helping each other to remember what it feels like and that “Yes!” you do deserve it.
It is very important to remember that so that you can Let Go. Let Go of believing that the other person has to be in your life, has to do things in a certain way, has to feel a certain way at a certain time. As long as you believe that the other person is the source of your happiness you will feel compelled to try to control them so that you can stay happy. You can not control them and be happy.
You will need to Let Go. And Let Go, and let go again. On a daily basis. Let go of believing that the other person has to be in a good mood or has to like the same things or wants to do things at the same time. Let go of expecting that they can be there for you in the way you want all of the time. They can’t. They are human. No one can meet all of another person’s needs. You each need to have resources / friends outside of your relationship. You each need to have parts of your life that aren’t dependent upon the other.
You will hurt each other, scare each other, make each other angry. Which will then give you the gift of being able to work through those issues to a deeper level of emotional intimacy.
You have got some stuff to work through – that is both the bad news and the good news. Because as you reach those deeper levels of emotional intimacy your love will deepen and grow in ways in which you can’t even imagine. You are boldly going where neither of you has ever been before. And you have a friend and a partner who is willing to make a sacred commitment here today to go on this adventure with you.
Celebrate that!! It is an incredible gift!
Grab each moment you can and be present with it.
By being willing to be present to feel the difficult feelings – hurt, sadness, anger, fear;
by being willing to walk through the terror of embracing life – the terror that this commitment to intimacy can bring up;
by being willing to take the risk of being abandoned and betrayed – to take the risk of completely exposing yourself to another being;
you are opening yourself to Joy and Love to depths and on dimensions that you have only had the slightest taste of so far.
BE each other’s sanctuary. Be patient and kind and gentle whenever you can make that choice.
The more you do your healing and follow your Spiritual path the more moments of each day you will have the choice to Truly be present the moment.
And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace and feel the Joy fully and completely and with Gusto.
In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love will never go away.
Completely absolutely unconditionally with fearless abandon you can embrace the Love and Joy in the moment.
Glory in it!
Loving is the Grandest, most sublime adventure available to us.
Lets your hearts sings together.
Let your souls soar to unimagined heights.
Wallow in the sensual pleasure of each others bodies.
Roar with the Joy of being fully alive.
Go for it!!!!” – Romantic Relationships ~ The Greatest Arena for Spiritual & Emotional Growth Chapter 20 Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment “Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt”
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