September 4, 2019 – I have been meaning to update this page for quite awhile – and am just now able to find time to do that. It was quite a journey since April when this whole owning I have a choice to focus on the part of the glass that is full exercise started. In this update, I am going to start with my last posting on this page on June 21st, and add the updates I made on my Working The Third Step page.
“5/21/19 – So, there is good news and bad news. The good news is that I got a new car – it is a silver 2012 Hyundai Sonata . . . . . . Someone on Facebook asked how I was able to do it financially. Here is my reply:
“Basically I needed to accept that the only realistic way to get reliable car is to be willing to take on a payment – so I chose to do that. No down payment and first payment due of just over a couple of hundred dollars in 45 Days and every month after that. Living month to month I didn’t want the payment, but I needed the reliable vehicle. So, accept the things I can’t change (that my car had broken down and was no longer reliable) and change the thing I can change (my attitude towards taking on a payment.) Very happy to have the car.”
So that is the bad news, I had to take on a payment. I live month to month and am very grateful every month that I have enough to pay the rent. So, adding another payment was not something that I wanted to do. But as I said, accept reality as it is and make an attitude adjustment if necessary to take the action that I need to take. . . . . . Now I have a new payment due on June 15th and then less money coming in the end of June. Not sure I would have taken on the payment knowing that – but I didn’t know that, which is perfect in the Cosmic Scheme of things. Things could be pretty hairy at the end of June – when it is time to pay rent for July. I did get over $500 in donations from my appeal – and am incredibly grateful for the support and the prayers and good wishes from everyone. I may have to be asking again in June, but I don’t have to know today how things will be then.” – Working the Third Step latest news
May 23 at 1:37 PM –
So, there is good news and bad news. Bad news is my new car broke down on I-5. The good news is that I was just coming up to a rest stop within 15 miles of where Darien lives. I am up here for his 8th grade graduation tomorrow.
So, about my new car breaking down. It turns out it has a 30 day warranty (I didn’t buy the long term one) – but the work has to be done by CarMax. So, closest one to where I was at was in Modesto – so I had to car towed there. Good news, it was covered by warranty. Bad news Modesto was farther than my roadside assistance covered for towing – but only 9 miles, so good news the towing company gave me a deal and it will be a lot cheaper than if I had the car towed to a local garage as I had originally been planning. Also good news – they are going to give me a loaner car – which is important because bad news they won’t even look at it to see what is wrong for at least a week. So, going to Modesto tomorrow after Darien’s graduation ceremony.
What happened was the check engine light came on – and it lost a bit of power – just as I was coming to the rest area. I checked the book and is said an emissions problem and you can probably still drive it. Bad news, is that as soon as I started driving out of the rest area it started making noise and coughing and bucking. So, stopped right there. Don’t know how serious it is, but sure glad it didn’t happen any time in the 227 miles I had driven up until there. Some of it is really in the middle of no where. Could have broken down by the elk herd and I would have been in big trouble. 🙂 So, more will be revealed – as usual. Thanks for your good wishes – will keep you all posted.
There is good news and bad news. The good news is my car has a new engine in it and I am going up to pick it up (and pick Darien up) on Thursday. The bad news is that the first payment is due on Saturday and I don’t have it at this point. Finances are beyond tight right now. My credit cards are maxed out. One client who owes me money hasn’t been able to pay it yet and another that told me Monday that he was going to buy more changed his mind. I really need the Universe to kick down enough to catch up a bit right now. I need at least $300 – and a $1000 would be even better. Reminds me of some times in the past when I really needed a miracle, and I don’t know where it is coming from. I AM Radiantly Beautiful, Vibrationally Healthy, Joyously Alive, and Abundantly Prosperous! Abundantly Prosperous!!!
So, again there is good news and bad news. As I said below on May 21st, “The April sales are what I get paid for at the end of June.” – and I got that payment today, it is $250 to $300 below my normal payment – and things are very tight for paying the rent this next week. The good news is that I got my car payment made (thanks to help from some Eskimos) and made 2 credit card payments in the last week – and that I have made payments on 2 other credit cards that are due on the 1st. The bad news is that I don’t know where the money to pay my and Darien’s cell phone bill – which is also due on the first – is going to come from. So once again I can use a miracle like back in 1995. ASKing for some financial support from the Universe again.
There is good news and good news. The Universe – and some new clients – did kick down enough abundance to get all the bills due on 1st and 2nd paid, and to have enough for the rent. Also good news is the next bills aren’t due until the 8th and 9th. In the meantime, Darien and I are going back to Nebraska to see my mother who is in her final stages before escaping the body that is failing her. I would really love for the Universe to kick down enough to catch up a bit right now. I would love at least $300 – and a $1000 or two would be even better
July 17, 2019
There is good news and good but sad news. My mother passed away on the morning of July 13th. It’s good news because her suffering is over and she has gotten to escape from a body and mind that have been failing on her for the last few years. It is, of course, also sad news. I am going home to Nebraska for her funeral on Friday. Her passing means that my financial situation has been relieved in a considerable way for now and the foreseeable future. So, the request for the Universe to provide enough to get out of the hole I was in, was answered in a way that I didn’t expect. Good news, but sad also.
I need help right now, and I am working the Third Step by ASKing for help.
“4/21/19 – So I was able to get enough money together to rent a car to pick up my grandson – that is the good news. The bad news is that my car had a blown head gasket, and maybe a cracked head. Those are not good things.” – Working the Third Step ~ ASKing for help
“I freely share so much information on my site because – as I say in the article above – I believe it is my Karmic Mission in this lifetime. I want to share the Joyous message and the precious information that I have discovered – and it is what I need to do for my Recovery and Spiritual Path. It is not such a great strategy when it comes to finances however.;-) So Donations to the Cause / Love Offerings / Spiritual Tithes are always appreciated if you feel my sharing has helped you in your Healing / Recovery process and on your Spiritual Path. If my writing has helped you remember Truth that brings you some Joy and inner peace, and your Spirit moves you to send some Love back my way – there are donation links here.”
“. . . . it can be easier to be a channel for Love to flow through than a receptacle for Love to flow into.”
I went through 30 day treatment programs twice. Once while getting sober in Lincoln Nebraska in 1984 – and the second time in my fifth year of sobriety to deal with my codependency. That second one was in Tucson Arizona – and I mention both of them in the beginning of a blog post entitled MY SOBRIETY DATE: JANUARY 3RD, 1984.
In the first treatment program, I was nearing the end of my 30 days and was getting very scared about whether I was going to be able to stay sober out in the world. I had hit bottom and had nothing – no car for sure. I was going to be living in the suburbs with my brother in city I had not lived in for 14 years – and was worried about even getting to meetings.
Once I surrendered to being in treatment, the program became a very safe place for me – it felt like a vacation from life. Of course, it took me awhile to surrender.
“One of the first surrenders that I had to make was to let go of doing things ‘my way.’ (I used to sit in bars and get tears in my eyes over Frank Sinatra’s recording because I was also doing it ‘My way.’) I had to start listening to those weird people who were telling me that I could live without alcohol. Then I had to start letting go of my belief that life was impossible without drugs and alcohol.” – Grave Emotional and Mental Disorders – AA language for Codependence
“So I went into a treatment program in Lincoln Nebraska. For the first two weeks I really resisted being there. I thought the people were weird and I certainly didn’t need any of this religious God crap that they were talking about. I called friends back in LA and complained about how I was locked in this horrible place. (No doors were locked.)
The turning point came for me when some druggy friends back in LA offered to buy me a plane ticket back to the coast. That was the point where I had to admit to myself that I had a choice. I had spent my whole life being the victim because I didn’t believe I had choices – now I had a choice.
So I had to take a good look at myself and my life and see if I wanted to return to the way I had been living. When I looked at how messed up – (God, what an understatement. As I wrote that last sentence, I started crying remembering what a hell I had been living in. At some point in treatment I realized that the song that described what my life had been like was Desperado – “Your prison is walking through life all alone.” “You’d better get down off you fence and let someone love you before it is too late.” After I got sober I swore to myself that I would kill myself before I would ever take another drink.)
When I took a realistic view of what hell my life had been, I had to admit to myself that I didn’t ever want to live that way again. So I turned down the plane ticket and surrendered to trying to learn the things that those weird people were trying to teach me.” – The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul The Awakening Begins in the Joy2MeU Journal quoted in A Higher Power of my own understanding 2 – the beginning of empowerment
So, towards the end of the 30 days, I didn’t really want to leave. I went to my counselor to share my fears. I said, ‘I don’t even know how I will get to meetings.’ That was when he told me that the way I would get to meetings was to ask for rides. I was horrified. Asking for help was the last thing I ever wanted to do. That would be admitting I was a failure, that I was a loser. Then he told me that asking for help was part of working the Third Step of the 12 Step Recovery program. I later came to realize that ASKing for help was an important part of Metaphysical Law.
“God works through people. We all have had Eskimos in our lives, angels disguised as people. We are not alone in this process – we can’t do it alone.
I need to ask for help and then let go of rather the person I am asking can in fact help me. I need to take the risk and let go of the outcome. What I need will come from someplace. There is a verse in the bible that says: (paraphrased??)
Ask and ye shall receive.
Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and the door shall be opened.
ASK. By asking – either God or another person – I am setting energy in motion in the Universe. Once the energy is in motion it comes back to me at some time from some place. I have to put it out before it will come back. What I sow I reap. The Universe works on the principle of cause and effect. It is very important for me to get proactive in my own life by taking the risk of asking for help – and it is much easier when I can let go of my picture of how, and when, that help is going to manifest.” – Working the Third Step ~ ASKing for Help
So there is great news and not so good news. The great news is the my grandson Darien is here. I got enough money to rent a car to go and pick him up yesterday – and he will be here for a week over his Spring Break. (I summarized my relationship with my step grandson in my Update last year: https://www.joy2meu2.com/update-june-2018 ). The not so good news is that my car is back running now after some expensive repairs, but is very iffy in terms of taking any trips out of town. So I need to be looking for another car at a time when my finances are in really poor condition.
It was kind of humorous to me – my Higher Power’s sense of humor – that I have been posting on Facebook in the last week about the good news bad news (coffee on my keyboard, car breaking down close to home) challenges in my life.
So there is good news, and bad news. The Bad news is that I spilled a cup of coffee on my wireless keyboard yesterday – it is not working very good any more. The good news is that forced me to drive from Cambria to Pass Robles on highway 46 so that I could see how lush and green the hills are after all the rain.
So, there is good news and bad news. The Bad news is that my car broke down. The good news is that, it is within a mile of my place. Just walked home with some bags of groceries so they won’t spoil as I wait for an hour for tow truck. Going to take another load now.
On my Spiritual Tithes page I talk about that good new bad news paradox – something I talk about in my book also.
“It is because there is more than one level of reality that life is paradoxical in nature. What is True and positive on one level – selfishness out of Spiritual Self, can be negative on another level – selfishness out of ego-self. What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, God calls a butterfly.
Humans have always had expressions that describe the paradoxical nature of the life experience. Every ending is a beginning. Every cloud does have a silver lining. For every door that closes, another door does open. It is always darkest before the dawn. Every obstacle is a gift, every problem is an opportunity for growth.
These are all expressions that refer to the paradoxical nature of life – the seeming contradictions that are a result of the multiple levels of reality. When we start to understand and recognize that there are multiple levels of reality, then we can begin to unravel the paradox and see how all of the pieces fit together perfectly.” – All quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
“Giving and receiving are inseparable parts of one dynamic energy exchange / flow. I mention often that everything is both good news and bad news because there are different levels to this life experience (what a caterpillar calls the end of the world, God calls a butterfly) – so also, giving and receiving are two different levels / facets of the same dynamic. When one is giving freely from the heart (not the codependent types of giving we learned in childhood, i.e.: giving to try to prove our worth / taking ego strength from giving to someone we feel superior to / giving as a way of manipulating to get what we want), one is giving to Self and Honoring the Spiritual Truth that we are all connected. It is what I call both selfish and Selfish (one of my phone clients who didn’t like the word suggested that Soulfish would sound better. (To me that sounds more like seafood, but oh well.)
It is Soulfish because I Know that giving is an act of Love, is Honoring my True Self. Opening to receive is also an Act of Love. Asking for help and allowing someone else to give to me, is giving them the gift of allowing them to Honor and demonstrate Love for their True Self – and for the Truth that we are all ONE.
It is out of Soulfish purpose that I freely share so much information on my web site. In freely giving Love I not only open to Love flowing into my life, but I am also manifesting Love into the Collective Consciousness and reminding you of the Truth of who you really are. The more of you that remember who you Truly are and open up to Love flowing into your life, the closer we get to the Hundredth Monkey Effect that will bring about critical mass in the energy field of Collective Human Intellectual Consciousness and allow us to escape from the polarized thinking that has kept human beings warring on each other for thousands of years. (The New Age – An Age of Healing & Joy )
It is selfish because I know that aligning with Spiritual Truth and Metaphysical Law is what is going to make my life experience less painful and more Joyous in the long run. It is also selfish because writing for this web site has served my recovery – and helped me to bring in enough money through selling my books (and in the last 3 + years [19 + years now in 2019] doing phone counseling) to continue to have the freedom to focus on my mission, to devote my time and energy to following my path. . . . . . . I freely share so much information on my site because – as I say in the article above – I believe it is my Karmic Mission in this lifetime. I want to share the Joyous message and the precious information that I have discovered – and it is what I need to do for my Recovery and Spiritual Path. It is not such a great strategy when it comes to finances however.;-) So Donations to the Cause / Love Offerings / Spiritual Tithes are always appreciated if you feel my sharing has helped you in your Healing / Recovery process and on your Spiritual Path.” – Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving ~ Donations / Love Offerings
In 2000 I received the gift of a donation from someone in Minnesota who believed my work had changed her life. She sold a house and sent me $5000. That allowed me to get moved back to Cambria and get a little garage apartment that I lived in for the next 5 years. I wrote millions of words in articles for my website and books in that little apartment. It was Truly a gift from another person that helped me to give to a multitude other people in the years since then. In October of 2000, after being in the new place for a couple of months, I felt comfortable enough in my new environment to take a deep dive into my fear of intimacy issues. I didn’t know that I was doing that when I started writing an Update Newsletter for the people on my website – but it was the most important single Update in my personal process since starting my first website in 1998.
“Anytime I have a chance to speak my Truth, to share the beliefs and knowledge which I so passionately embrace, I get to touch the Divine. I get to be a channel for Love to flow through. (One of the things I want to talk about in this Newsletter is that it can be easier to be a channel for Love to flow through than a receptacle for Love to flow into.) . . . . .
. . . . I learned to give power to the positive feedback – not as proof of my worth – but rather as messages of encouragement from my Higher Power.
I have inner child places within me that: are starving for love, affection, and touch; are desperately romantic and aching for my princess to come; that believe I am not worthy of receiving love in a romantic relationship but that I will never be complete without one; that are profoundly lonely. I also have an emotional reality that as an adult I have – because of my issues and patterns – been very deprived of companionship, love, affection, touch, etc. Because of these factors, I would be emotionally triggered by songs. All those wonderfully codependent songs about the type of codependent love we learned about growing up. By giving power to those songs I was at the effect of them – so that I could be driving along in a good mood and have a certain song throw me into my deprivation pain.
What I did is change my relationship with those songs. I choose to believe that those songs were about my relationship with my Higher Power rather than a woman loving me. That turned those songs from emotional triggers that threw me into pain to messages of encouragement that could sometimes – because of perfect timing – help me to access Joy.
The same thing can be done with feedback from other people. We do not define ourselves by what others tell us. We can look at what others tell us as messages.
The ones who are shaming and abusive are demonstrating for us how the disease works. Once we are able to start having a more objective view of the process (to stop taking it personally), we can see them reacting out of their own fears, out of their wounded inner child places. They are being used to communicate with us and help us learn about our own wounds and the disease. They are teachers who – by acting out of their disease – are forcing us to start protecting ourselves by learning to have boundaries.
The ones who are telling us good things are passing along messages of encouragement from our Higher Power. Goddess Strokes. That way, it doesn’t matter what their motive or agenda of is – because the are just being a channel, rather they know it or not. It doesn’t matter if they are being dishonest and codependent – they are still capable of being a channel, and of giving us an opportunity to practice receiving.
My resistance to opening up to receive Love would cause me to minimize positive feedback by telling myself that the other person wanted something from me, or was just being kind, or whatever. I spent several years in recovery practicing saying just plain “Thank You.” Instead of minimizing (oh it was nothing), joking it away, turning it back on them (oh you are really the one who ___), or dismissing it because I suspected the other persons motives or mental health. The feeling deep within was that if someone was loving and positive towards me, it was either a sinister plot or there must be something wrong with them.
By seeing them as channels rather than the source, it doesn’t matter what their motives are. By seeing positive affirmation and validation coming from other people as Truly originating from my Higher Power, then I can be grateful to them for being a channel – not feel obligated to them because they are being kind to worthless, shameful me.
Now, through the miracle that this writing process is for me, we have come back around to “it can be easier to be a channel for Love to flow through than a receptacle for Love to flow into.” I didn’t know I was going to write most of the above – and do not think I have ever quite broken the process of discerning between giving power in a healthy way to what other people say versus giving power to other people in a codependent way, in quite this manner. I find it quite useful – I hope you do also.” – Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update October 2000
When I went to the treatment center in Arizona, they had a tradition that was focused on opening to receive. Every morning there was a group with all the people in treatment – usually 50 some people. Everyone would be given a few minutes to share what they were feeling and learning. This tradition was that, if someone said “I feel loved!” – the whole group would shout at them, “You are loved!” One was supposed to open their arms and take it in through their solar plexus chakra – which is the chakra where we take in and manifest out of.
My first week or so there, I thought that was the cheesiest thing I had ever heard – and you would never catch me saying that. Because my ego was in control.
By the third week I was milking it for all it was worth. I would say, “I feel supercalifragilisticexpialidociously loved! And have 50 people shout that back at me. Then get hugs from 50 people. I didn’t need any coffee on those mornings.
It was learning to open to receive that made it possible for me to publish my book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls – a story with some really amazing miracles. The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul Leap of Faith ~ Publishing The Dance.
So, one more time in my recovery, I am ASKing for help. I am putting out a request – ASKing for some help here on Facebook and in my WordPress Blog – from the Universe (and any Eskimos and Angels out there willing to be channels for Love to flow to me) – to help me through the opportunity for growth the Universe is presenting me with right now. If you could make a donation or buy something, it would be really great. Here is a sale page with some great offers on my books, audios, phone / Skype counseling, and my workshop. https://www.joy2meu2.com/joy2meu-sale
Here is my working the third step page: Working the Third Step ~ ASKing for Help
Here is my Spiritual Tithes / Love Offering page: Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving ~ Donations / Love Offerings
I am a Magnificent and Powerful Spiritual Being full of Light and Love!
I am Radiantly Beautiful, Vibrantly Healthy, Joyously Alive, and Abundantly Prosperous! Abundantly Prosperous I say. (It is important to do positive affirmations as if they are already the Truth – because they actually are on a Spiritual level 😉
With wishes of Joy & Love & Abundance to U & Me ~ Robert